Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
