Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
