My room smells like vodka and shame
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
