Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
