The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
