I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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