I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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