so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
