Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
