Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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