guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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