There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
