Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
