can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
