I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
