I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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