Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
