So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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