we're chasing vodka with high fives
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
