dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
