Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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