eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
