I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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