Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
