All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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