4 words: hood of his car
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
