i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
