fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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