dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
