i don't like sucking hair
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
