...so i touched it.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
