Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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