There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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