So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
