His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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