Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
