omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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