I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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