K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
