We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
