you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
