Im at strip club and am horny
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
