If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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