you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize