that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
