I puked a lego.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
