Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My dick has a subreddit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
