so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm both gender and math confused
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
