I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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