Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
