I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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