she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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