Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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